Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
