my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
