but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
