I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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