all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
