ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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