he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
