I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
