im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
