wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
