Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
