ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
