My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
