Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
