then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
