just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
