whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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