I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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