Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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