Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize