Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
