drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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