WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
