i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
