So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
