She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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