end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize