We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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