You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
