Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
