Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
