It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize