mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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