Pappa wants mamma naked
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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