So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
