Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
