My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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