you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize