I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
