oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
