Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
