have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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