Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
