a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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