I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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