First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
