clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
