better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize