her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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