When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
