im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
