and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
