I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
