I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NoShamevember. You game?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My vagina is officially offended.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
