So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
