Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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