My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
