I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
