LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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