Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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