We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
