We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
