Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
