I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
