but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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