they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
