Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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