Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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