Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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