I think I won the penis lottery.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
