I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
