I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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