the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
