This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
