So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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