Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
