Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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