I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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