i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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