Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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