Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
